Why the NFL is Better Than Soccer

To citizens of the United States, this is not even an issue. Soccer is a game played by college girls and overpaid effeminate pretty boys. The NFL is where the real heart of football lies. However despite this fact, most of the world still prefers the sight of twenty two pampered prima-donnas chasing a round ball around a field. Hopefully this article will convince them why the NFL, and American Football, is so much better than soccer…

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  • 1.


    In the NFL each team has it’s own uniforms for games and when a fan of the team buys one. They know that the design is not going to change radically over the next few years. Football Kits however tend to change almost every thirty seconds. All of which will be obsolete next season when they bring out brand new designs! It is a complete rip off!
  • 2.


    So many times in soccer a controversial incident will happen and the officials will get their decision hopelessly wrong. The authorities however fear that instant replay technology will ruin the “flow of the game”. What nonsense. In the NFL it isn’t perfect but a lot of calls that may have previously been called incorrectly, now get called correctly or the initial decision reversed based on the evidence at hand. What is more important a quick decision, or the correct one?
  • 3.


    It’s not unusual in the NFL to see a player carry his own leg to the sideline, strap it back onto his bleeding stump and return onto the field for the next set of downs. If you take any time off for a broken bone, you are a wimp. Decapitation means you may have to sit out an entire quarter. Compare that with soccer where if a player gets a tap on the knee, they will fall to the floor screaming in agony and require a stretcher to get off the pitch.
  • 4.


    To play soccer you have to be a certain body type, slim athletic and not too heavily muscled. In American football, everyone can play! From the short and skinny speed merchant kick returners or running backs, to the 380lb linemen who don’t know whether to block the opposition or eat them. No matter what your shape size or skills, there is a job for you on the American football field. Unless you are a woman of course!
  • 5.


    What a brilliant concept! You have a huge car parking area, people turn up, open up their vehicles and cook and drink before the game, meeting new friends and fans of other teams in a friendly atmosphere before heading to watch the game. Compare that with soccer where if rival fans meet before games, it is usually followed by mindless violence, often ending in arrests, the occasional stabbing and riot police intervention.
  • 6.


    Nowadays football has become so non-contact than any form of tackle is often guarded with a degree of suspicion and scepticism. Slide in to make a tackle nowadays and it is akin to mowing down the entire team with a machine gun. In the NFL it is perfectly allowable to tackle a player so hard that when he comes around he thinks he is the next President of Guam and thinks his team mates should call him Basil.
  • 7.


    Bill Belichick and his camera team apart, the NFL is possibly the fairest sport in the world at present. The salary cap means the richer teams cannot cherry pick all of the best talent available and the drafting system from college insures that there is always a degree of parity in the league, unless you are from Oakland in which case it is the unwritten rule that your team is just hopeless constantly. In soccer, the richest will win. Always. Boring!
  • 8.


    Soccer fans are notoriously fickle at times too, and many would rather support a successful team, than a local one. This is akin to a large majority of Houston inhabitants cheering for the Patriots. It just isn’t right is it? The wider community offers great and unequivocal support for the local high school, college and NFL teams.
  • 9.


    In the NFL there are seven officials. They use flags and whistles, discuss their reasons for throwing the flag before reaching a decision, then they explain their decisions to the head coaches, players and crowd and use hand signals to convey this. It is simple, effective and although they still occasionally get things wrong, it keeps everyone informed of the decision making process. Compare that to soccer where three genetically disadvantaged, myopic, idiots run the game.
  • 10.


    Aren’t cheerleaders wonderful? I must admit, the gig for those in Tampa, Arizona and Miami is perhaps slightly more exotic than those in Philadelphia, New England and Green Bay who tend to spend most of the winter with their nipples so erect from the cold, that they can hang their pompoms on them when not in use.
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