The Sci-fi Gadgets We'd All Love to Have
Over the years, Science fiction on television and in books and films has thrown up an array of brilliant ideas, some of which have come to fruition, such as satellites, microwave meals and Donald Trump’s wig. However there are a number of gadgets that we’d all love to have available to us that, I believe, would radically alter mankind for the better. Let’s take a look at some of the scientific gadgets we’d all love to get our hands on.
THE BIONIC MAN’S BIONICS & MUSICWe’d all love to run faster, jump higher, be stronger, see better and hear better. Would it not be wonderful if we could all become Steve Austin? We’d not need a car as we could run or jump everywhere, Opticians and the designer glasses people would be out of business in no time and the Olympics would require a whole new rethink. However for this to work, we must ensure that whenever your bionic powers are used, the “bionic” sound effects can be heard.
THE STAR WARS X-WINGHow convenient would it be to have your trusty X-Wing at hand, with an Artoo unit installed, so that you can get up, hop in and park on the roof of your place of work? It’d certainly beat the congestion on the roads first thing in the morning and should a Death Star appear in orbit around the planet, at least you’d be able to go and do something about it in your lunch break.
THE HITCHIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY’S BABELFISHLanguage is often the barrier to so much. By removing the barrier, you open up the world in a way that cannot be comprehended. The Babelfish would do that superbly. Slotted into the ear, it instantly translates any language into a language that the host can understand perfectly well. For example for George Clooney it would translate into English, for Gerard Depardieu it would translate into French and for politicians across the globe it would translate into the language of rhetoric and nonsense.
THE PREDATORS “INVISIBILITY”The dream of many a university junior is to discover invisibility to invade the girls dormitory. It would make the 63rd instalment of “American Pie” a little more believable for a start. It would also save a fortune for university campuses up and down the land, by reducing the need for caretakers to go and fill in all the holes that have been drilled in the walls in the girl’s showers.
THE MEN IN BLACK “NEURALISER”How often have we heard someone having a good giggle at one of our moments of particular crassness? Like the day you accidentally called your boss “Mom” in front of the entire office. The Neuraliser would be particularly good for this. It would also have to come in a range of battery sizes for people who commit a few, more or many cock ups on a daily basis and as such, George W Bush’s own Neuraliser would, for example, have be wired to the national grid.
THE MATRIX’ “COMPUTERISED HUMAN”Think how cool it would be if you wanted to learn kung fu and all you had to do, is insert your USB thumb into a port and within seconds, you were a kung fu master? Of course the system would have to be monitored daily for viruses. You wouldn’t want to download the “Etiquette for an Official Dinner with the President” module, only for the virus to kick in, forcing you to jump onto the table, lower your trousers and then sing two verses from “American Idiot” by Green Day.
QUANTUM LEAP’S ZIGGY HAND HELD SUPER-COMPUTERIn each episode Ziggy would inform Scott Bakula not only who he was, where he was and what he was, but also what he was supposed to be doing. How useful is that?! Ziggy would be a handy addition for many in society, especially for people who wander around lost and clueless, making inept decision after inept decision. As such “Ziggies” would be standard issue for politicians, bankers, lawyers and high court judges.
BACK TO THE FUTURE’S DELOREAN TIME MACHINEMake history come alive! Don’t just read about the Battle of Little Big Horn, See it! Why not be on the moon to wave to Neil Armstrong “Uh… Houston, we have a problem… It seems class 3G from Wyoming has popped up Lunar side to witness me take this one small step and they’ve tied my bootlaces together…”! See the moment when after six years of presidency George Bush finally learned how to spell his own name!
HIGHLANDER : “THE QUICKENING” KNOWING EVERYTHINGWould it not be nice to be able to know and understand absolutely everything? The secrets to the universe laid open for you to fully grasp? Was there a second gunman on the Grassy knoll? Are we alone in the Universe? Who mislaid Ann Coulter’s heart and morality? Does God indeed exist and where does she live? Of course, this is a blatantly sexist choice and would only appeal to half the population as women know everything anyway.
STAR TREK’S TRANSPORTERThe Transporter would revolutionise travel. We’d just need a tubby Scottish engineer to monitor the controls and in a fizzle of cheap special effects, you and your family are transported to Orlando for your two weeks in the sun, luggage and all. For safety reasons, it is best advised to take a non-descript person or two with you that you have never met before and force them to wear a red jumper, as in all likelihood they will get zapped by some alien fiend, instead of you and your loved ones.
THE SLEEPERS “ORGASMATRON”For a better world, this is a must. Think about it, if everyone was happy all the time, there would be no problems ever! No wars! No need for prisons! No crime! A utopia! What is the best way to achieve this? Surely it is by the installation of orgasmatrons all over the world. It’s hard to wage Jihad when you are permanently aroused. Have them at your place of work, in your home, available in the streets free of charge! I’m only surprised nobody has thought of this sooner.