Computer games we'd like to see in 2009

As the videogame industry pushes back the frontiers of gaming by developing new software to take the next generation consoles to the limit and beyond, there is still a niche market open for innovative software developers. There are plenty of game ideas that are ripe for development as we look towards 2009, and let’s hope that during the year, we may see some or all of the following games hit the shelves…

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  • 1.


    Take on the loveable Wildcats in a game of basketball with a difference! It’s not only winner takes all, but also loser forfeits all! As the game progresses various weapons can be found on court, such as the flamethrower, burning jockstrap and hunting rifle which can be used to decimate the opposition and ensure that there is no more bloody sequels.
  • 2.


    Author, TV Pundit and Fox news regular Ann Coulter presents a special series of instructional activities and tasks that are designed to ensure that your mental capabilities are that of a six week old lemur. Learn how to rebuff any line of questioning by making the most offensive, sensationalist and inane comments possible, all offered without a shred of evidence all on prime time television!
  • 3.

    SIM PRES 2009.

    Congratulations! You’ve just become the next President of the United States of America! Now every decision is yours! For example if you are at a political rally that is disrupted by a group of “White Supremacist” thugs, do you (A) Laugh heartily at their ignorance and feeblemindedness. (B) Laugh Heartily and then call the police to deal with the situation. (C) Use it as an excuse to invade another middle eastern country and put up petrol prices?.
  • 4.


    Based on the “Brewsters Million’s” film, you take on the role of NFL cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones and seek to squander his millions of dollars as quickly as possible, while incurring the wrath of as many people as possible. From “making it rain” in a stripclub, to spitting in a girls hair, it’s all part and parcel of being the NFL bad boy. See if you can bring him to the final indignity and humiliation of being so bad that eventually you have to sign for the Dallas Cowboys.
  • 5.


    As you are probably blissfully unaware. England football legend David Beckham has moved to Los Angeles in order to get famous in America too! Take over the role of David as he seeks to get his face on billboards across the great nation of America and then after six months playing, realise the pointlessness of it all because he kicks the wrong shaped ball and nobody north of Mexico gives a diddley squit who he is.
  • 6.

    RAMBO 5

    To tie in with the film that Sylvester Stallone is threatening to make, you are John Rambo, decorated Vietnam vet who faces his biggest challenge yet. Brutally interred in the “Cheery Peaks Home for the Elderly” Rambo must escape the clutches of the nursing staff for his biggest goal yet. The ability to go the entire night without needing a pee. Can you face the terror of the Nursing home meal? Can you chew through your bedsheets at night, if your teeth are in the jar next to your bed?
  • 7.


    An adaptation of the board game! Would you like to invade countries across the world at the drop of a hat and under the merest of false pretences? Then Risk is the game for you! Risk! is wholly endorsified by the man formerly known as President. “I misunderestimated this darn game! It is so addictivating!” states the president on the cover. “It’s so good, I used it as my foreign policy!”
  • 8.


    You take over as head of Lehmann Brothers or AIG in July 2007 and follow through the events of the following months as best you can! Compare how much you manage to swindle from the people in the form of Governmental loans and subsidies online to see who is a right banker! Earn bonus points for being able to sleep at night as thousands of people are made homeless due to your disastrous policies and over-reliance on lending from other sources!
  • 9.

  • 10.


    With oil running out, and the economy grinding to a halt, desperate time’s calls for desperate measures and the powers that be call on their wildcard to resolve the situation once and for all. Armed only with a simple hunting rifle you are Jed Clampitt who as we know “just one day he was shootin out some food, when up from the ground came a bubblin’ crude
  • 11.


    The first in a series of role playing games that take you behind the scenes of a real life popstar! In the first edition, you take over as teen pop queen Britney Spears! Star in her pop videos! Sing a long with her songs! Delight paedophiles the world over by producing a video that promotes school age children as sex objects! Intersperse with a series of pop songs that have the musical merit of raccoon dung and you’ll soon discover what it is like to be a pop princess!
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